What I know about God
Sunday, April 30, 2006
My husband, Lon.L, and I relocated to the Tulsa area to attend ORU. We struggled much as we had come in faith yet due to financial lack we lived in a small town some 40 miles outside of Tulsa. All of the traveling and studying together really was an experience that we both cherished. He was hired by ORU in 2001 and was very successful in that roll as he established the first self-defense class at ORU based on the Israeli system of Krav Maga. He also taught strength training and the ever required heath and fitness classes. He was very much loved by all and the students rushed to his classes. However, on January 1, 2004 he became ill and was very short of breath. He was treated for pneumonia but the doctors said it did not look typical. He would recover just to get sick again. In April he had major lung surgery and then he seemed to get a little better but he was on oxygen 24 hours a day. We really believed that the Lord would heal him yet he continued to deteriorate. The doctors could not say what the problem was so it was a mystery. We thought that the illness was temporary so we stood firm. Yet he was in ICU for nearly a month in September and then succumbed to what they termed as Primary Pulmonary Hypertension and incurable condition that was a result form his bouts with pneumonia on December 2, 2005. At that very time I had to move out of our lovely two story house because we had exhausted all of our savings and we had no income. All of this resulted in a deep and strong feeling of mourning and quilt because I felt that if I had prayed more, fasted more, or confessed more that he would have lived. I was devastated at the loss of him and our home. I cried often just feeling so abandoned by God. Of course I know theoretically and theologically that that was not the case yet I still could not shake the grief. During Pastor Howard-Browne's Holy Spirit Week-end I was called forward and the sweet Holy Spirit washed all traces of grief and was filled with holy laughter. I felt as though a huge weight was lifted from my soul. Now I can trust on what I know about God, that tribulation comes, but He has overcome it all.